accept yourself

"When I accept myself as I am, I change. When I accept others as they are, they change."

William James

Photo via.

sneak peek of our wedding reception!

photo by brooke davis. our guests threw lavender!

i'm getting antsy to see our wedding photos! brooke probably won't be done with them for another month or two, but here's a teeny sneak peek of our reception, written by my very good friend becca. she and her husband were our wedding singers (and harley sang too!), and they all were incredible. if you're interested to see a few photos and read about the night, click here. becca is a witty lady. you won't regret it.

xo

jane

don't go far

Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —
because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep. 

Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart. 

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest, 

Because in that moment you’ll have gone so far
I’ll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying? 

-Pablo Neruda

the invitations

I'm back! Harley is too good to me. One of my favorite things about co-blogging is the option of taking vacations once in a while and not having to worry too much about writing.

Anyway, due to the craziness in the weeks leading up to my wedding, I never even got these photos posted. Our lovely and incredibly talented friend Remy Glock designed them for us, mainly from inspiration I provided with a Pinterest board. I love the way they turned out. We wanted a slightly traditional, elegant feel spiced with vintage, and she gave us exactly that.

Jess and I are trying to find the rhythm of our new life as marrieds, and, thank goodness, things are a little slower than they were a few weeks ago. No daily trip to Hobby Lobby or Sam's Club and there aren't 200 receipts cluttering my purse. Maybe I will even have the sanity to blog again...

More updates to come!

engagements | part 2

J and I are down to 11 days. We'll be married before I know it! I've dreamed and wondered about this time since I was young and of course life never turns out the way expect, but it's always better, right? He's my best friend, my loyal teammate, true companion. How blessed I am.

xo
Jane

Go look at the first set of engagements I posted! Let me know which ones you like best.

engagements ~ part 1

Brooke Davis of Blush Photography took our photos. We couldn't ask for a better photographer!

Now that school is over (last final is done and I'll be a college grad by the end of the week!), I will have more time to spend on H&J. I'm planning a series of wedding prep tips, including finding a good photog and learning about love languages. Stay tuned, yeah?

xo, Jane

engagement sneak peek!

Jess and I got this sneak peek of our engagement shoot from our incredible photographer, Brooke Davis. She's amazing, and we can't wait to see what the rest look like!

Poor Jess had to deal with me being stressed that morning about outfit changes and how to fix my hair and this or that not working out. He was calm as a June morning, and I love him all the more for the way he does that. He's far better at handling stress (mine or his) than I am. Good thing he's mine.

xo

Jane

february happiness project: love

I got to go home for this little guy's birthday this weekend--he's turning 9. Hard to believe it's been a whole year since he was baptized in the freezing cold river! Also, don't fret...he was completely in support of this dramatic pose.

I haven't had a chance to officially post my February goals, so I better do it before I lose any more of the month. Hopefully our Happiness Project updates don't become repetitive--we're posting about them a lot, partly as a reminder (hopefully an inspiration!) to keep track of your own new year resolutions, but mostly for ourselves. It's a way of being accountable. 
How are yours coming? If you've fallen off the wagon, jump back on! That's what's so great about the Happiness Project, each month is the chance to reset goals and start fresh.
My February goals are based around love and relationships.

1. Answer texts right away. Don't ever not text back.
2. Don't multitask while on the phone with anyone. Be fully invested in the conversation.
3. Be the initiator and call or text people first occasionally.
4. Do something sweet for Jess (specifically every day that I'm with him). 
5. Try to cater more to others' love languages.
6. Don't gossip. Don't judge. Don't criticize.
7. Give compliments when I think them.

xo

Jane

just one question

This is Jess.

I didn't like Jess back in junior high because he and his best friend teased me a couple times in English class (which he claims was warranted because I would grade their papers so harshly when we passed them to our neighbors to correct). We don't have memories of each other after I crossed out his face in the 8th grade yearbook until junior year of high school when we became unlikely friends.

He was crushing on a couple of my friends, and I was okay being the therapist for him and our other friend when it came to counsel about the dating game. Eventually, though, we realized we actually liked each other. One night at scout camp he carved this:

Last weekend we drove up to that spot. He was quiet most of the drive, yet I didn't suspect a thing...He led me to the tree and said, "There are millions of girls in the world, but you're the one I can't live without."

I'm marrying my soulmate!

xo
Jane

Wisdom and Love

I think some are wise in love from the very beginning.

My uncle, a practical man, told me he met my aunt when they were college freshmen. They did music theory homework together and ate lunch on picnic benches. They spent the hours of the evening and into the night discussing matters from deep in their souls. 

Christmas break came, and they said said goodbye to travel to opposite sides of the country {Maine and California}, four months after meeting. They both wondered. Wondered about the future, the possibilities, the unknown. She sent him a letter, the big gesture, and a token I believe he was waiting for.

"I've been praying to God for someone I could talk to about things that really matter," she wrote. "He answered that prayer and sent me you."

Sometimes those words sneak into my own prayers. Quietly, in a small corner of my mind, I ask God to please send me someone I can talk to about things that matter. To please send someone who will care enough to care about the things I love, even if he only cares because I do.

the one who wins

Via.

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”

Chuck Klosterman

Exes {Inspired by Breanna}

Breanna did this post I really liked. I've been needing a place to put these thoughts.
So in her words,
"No names are given, and not everyone I dated has something here written for them."

-------------

I think about you more often that I would like. Sometimes I even drift away in curiosity, but every time that happens I end up stomping out those thoughts like a dying fire. It's better that way.

Everything fell apart suddenly. Somewhere between kisses I suppose, and it took me by surprise.

I was sure tangled up in you. It was you, not me, right? I can't say you were original in saying that. I know what it's like though, to not love back, so I won't hold it against you. I never have.

painfully pretty

via.

Love Language.

If you have an extra 5 minutes today, watch this. I don't know if I have shared this before but I grew up with a deaf brother. He is incredibly strong. Funny. Passionate. 
This melted my heart. 

a letter to someone special

i found a little something in the junk drawer of my laptop documents. i wrote it in vienna last summer and don't remember doing it at all.

dear husband-to-be.

this is my first letter to you, although i have gone through draft after draft because i want it to be perfect. honest, but perfect.

who are you? do you know who you are? i came to vienna this summer to find myself. i came to figure out who i am and what i want. sometimes i feel like i’m alone in a fog of my thoughts without a map or a road to guide the way. sometimes i feel lost and confused, but i don’t give up pushing through the mist; i continue moving forward and put one foot in front of the other. i came here to see if i could be someone different, to see if there was someone else underneath all the layers i’ve built around me.

i found that i am the girl i am, and that changing place doesn’t change who i am. my foggy path hasn’t really gotten any clearer, but i found motivation to be happy and positive, even in the confusion. i found that loving myself is the most important thing i can do right now at this point in my life.

i’ve been thinking about you. you’re always in the back of my mind, a quiet whisper that i hear sometimes over the busy life of the city and my constant day. i wonder about where life has taken you so far and how you spend your time. i wonder what face i should put on the man in my thoughts.

love always,
me.

Date a Girl Who Reads.

I read this on Meg Fee's blog the other day, and it took my breath away. I read it to Leah while we were lounging around in our 130 degree room and I couldn't help grinning the whole way through. Perhaps because I read and write and would love for someone to think this about me?

Date a Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

thoughts about love.

I love you without knowing

how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly,

without complixities or pride;

so I love you because I know

no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand

on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close

as I fall asleep.

SONNET XVII

Pablo Neruda

The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead.

Marilyn Monroe

You

have

bewitched

me,

body

and

soul.

Pride and Prejudice

Summer Lovin'

I feel like everything is more magical during the summer. 

There is a sense of adventure. 

The thrill of freedom. 

And the joy that you wish for all year long just turns up. 

Unexpectedly. 

When you're at the park. 

On a blanket. 

Basking in the sun. 

Talking about your ideas, hopes, & dreams. 

And you think, 

"This is it. This is definitely it."

I am grateful for...

I had a teacher once who told me to write. 

Not to think.

Just write. 

She said I could write about anything I wanted.

In anyway that I wanted to. 

A list?

Sure.

A long jumbled paragraph?

Go for it. 

Hakui?

Of course.

Set the timer. 

5 mins.

Write. 

Don't think. 

Write. 

Here are some thoughts from todays write... 

The topic was "what I am grateful for." 

Families are forever

Scriptures = Peace

Cats are my favorite animal. Those and pandas. I wish Pandas were pets. 

Love

Heaters

Socks

Jesus Christ 

Friends that always try. 

The United States

Fresh Veggies... should I start eating raw?

Temple. Need to make that happen this week.

Laughter... is the cure for all fights. 

Water 

Clean Sheets are my favorite.

Vienna is the place I miss most.

Freedom 

Comfy Pants

Books

Avocados cause addictions. 

Washington

Flowers. FRESH flowers.  

Forgiveness 

My Darling

Camera 

What are you grateful for?

5 mins. ready go. 

Sigh...

He kissed me so slowly with an open mouth and every single thing in my body--my skin, my collarbone, the hollow backs of my knees, everything inside of me filled up with light.

Kathryn Stockett, The Help