sometimes you just can't do it all

Saturday, March 23, 2013

i tell myself pretty consistently that i need to be better. a better worker. a better blogger. a better guitar player. a better wife. a better relief society president. a better team member. a better friend. a better member of the church. a better listener. a better exerciser. 

i think about what it would take to get my waking hours to 100% productivity-- how i could possibly squeeze and push myself to be better. in theory it is an intriguing thought, but in reality it is almost impossible. 

i feel guilty when i sit down to watch a favorite tv show. i feel guilty when i take time for myself to read a book. i feel guilty when i take time to create pages in my art journal. the feelings of inadequacy creep into hobbies and pleasures that i used to enjoy. my internal dialoge goes something like this, "if you would have spent those 25 minutes playing your guitar instead of watching park & rec you would be so much better by now." or it can also go like this, "stop working on this dumb project of yours and spend time checking things off of your REAL list. people are depending on you"

there are so many things happening and i feel like i am failing at every single one. my apartment is a mess. my planner is a mess. my bank account is a mess. i'm a mess. 

so i guess now comes the part where i figure out how i am going to fix it. something needs to go, but what? 

i remember naively thinking that when college was over i could finally relax. get a real world job, work 9-5 and then spend the evenings pursuing my passions. 


i guess i am just feeling overwhelmed by life and that's ok. we are here to learn and grow and purse ourselves. it isn't stretching unless it uncomfortable. so today i am going to find solace in the fact that it is sunny, i get to go to the temple later with my husband, and this quote: 

"we must be our own before we can be another's." 
-ralph waldo emerson



  1. I am so happy you wrote about this today. I have been having the same feelings!!! I feel like I'm getting pulled in so many directions, it's hard to be good at everything!! I seriously needed this today and it's so good to know that somebody else is going through it too!! P.S. SOO happy that conference is in 2 weeks!! It is definitely much needed!!! Love your blog!!

  2. this really hit home. i'm always thinking that when i'm just relaxing or doing something that I want to do, that it's wasting time. or i start thinking about how many things i could be getting done. it's such a vicious cycle!

  3. I definitely now this moment you`re going through,it happens to me too a lot!I think it tends to happen to all the persons,who are perfectionists!
    But you have to stop feeling like that,first because ità bad for your health,second because you miss on all the beautiful thing in life,worrying the whole time!
    Believe me I`m writing this from my own personal experience.As it happened to me too and still does sometimes!
    It really helps me to make lists on everything I have to do and then cross everything off,like that I see what I already did!But lists sometimes also can be bad,as they remind you on all the things you still need to do!Just do what you can and don`t drive yourself crazy,when you don`t pull out everything,you`re no superhuman!


  4. Um your amazing for doing all that in the first place! I'm unemployed not going to school and I am still failing at so many things in my life as well. I think it's a normal human being feeling, we always want to be better, we always want to improve but if you look at it it's actually a good thing. I think we should be worried if we DIDN"T want to improve or do better in life. Keep doing what your doing, your'e great!

  5. I'm not sure it gets any easier as you get older. There's always something that needs to be taken care of... soon! Good luck... I actually think this is a big part of what life is about... learning what you are able to do, what you love to do, what you need to do, and what is unnecessary. Tricky business for sure.

  6. i feel you. I'm sick of the guilt following me around. I just have to remember I'm doing the best I can, and it also helps me to remember at the end of the day what i DID accomplish and what important things I did pursue instead of focusing on how i didn't do enough