social media is killing me slowly

Thursday, May 29, 2014

I have a really hard time with social media and I am just going to be really super honest about it. And it is probably going to make me sound like an idiot. Lets just go with it.

I don't know about you guys but numbers have always mattered to me. I pretend that they don't, but they do. Followers, likes, comments, stats, ad buys, etc. etc. etc. it all matters and I can tell you every single one of those numbers because I check them ALL. THE. TIME. Which kind of depresses me, but also I am not sure how to fix it without getting off of all social media all together. I find myself becoming an all or nothing kind of gal. I either have no cookies or 10. Catch my drift? I delete facebook and re-download it on a regular basis. I'm bi-polar. I hope that's not offensive.

Keeping a constant tab on my social currency is exhausting. First thing I do when I get up, last thing I do at night until my husband finally says, "Will you please get off your phone?" The ironic thing is (I'm not entirely sure I am using the word ironic correctly) is that I really don't have enough of a "following" to warrant the amount of time I spend thinking about it! Perhaps this comes from a place where I wish I was further along that I am. That I could make money off my blog enough to subsidize my work income. That I had more influence. That people thought I took cool pictures. That I could actually take cool pictures. That I knew what I really wanted out of this corner of the internet. Or that i really knew what I wanted from social media just in general.

Because if you have a blog, is there anyone that just does it because its fun? Isn't there always some kind of pay off? Is it possible in social media to do something just for yourself?

Pause. Can I just say that I am SO glad social media wasn't really a super HUGE thing in high school. So grateful. 

Have you heard of It's a website that tracks instagram for you, updates you about followers (and un-followers) and the like. I had it for about a week and I became pretty obsessed. It would depress me! To see the people who unfollowed me to the point where it was impacting my day to day life. I had to delete my account. DELETE IT! As I type this it just seems so very absurd that this is something that is taking up brain capacity and space.

I'm struggling my dear blog friends. Can you offer advice? Have any of you grappled with the same issue? I found a great article (here) about it last week but it didn't really hit on the whole how to make it all not matter so much, and that is what I struggle with. So… help. Please?


I might delete this post later.


  1. I held off on getting an instagram account for so long because I knew it would suck me in. It totally has. I've also noticed that since getting an IG, my blog comments (both ones on my blog and ones I'd leave) went down a hundred fold. Example. When I announced my engagement, I got over 45 comments. When I announced my pregnancy, maaaybe 15. Like, WHAT?! all within a year. It's so crazy how much it changed.
    And yeah, it sucks when I don't get a single blog comment when I used to consistently get 5-10 each post. But it's just as much my fault. I stopped commenting so why should I expect people to comment back? This has all caused me to just relax about it. I never blogged for money so I haven't had to worry about that. But comments and likes and followers matter (even though I wish they didn't). I've been trying not to focus so much on the numbers of it all and just focus on maintaining and building relationships with the people I've met online. The best thing about all this social media nonsense is the community, right? So if we focus on that and being genuine with everyone we interact with, that will hopefully help shift the focus from numbers to people. And hopefully, fingers crossed, I can stop hate-liking people's instagram accounts when they unfollow me hoping they feel guilty. (I have a problem.)

  2. social media really is a tricky thing. i do feel like i mainly just blog for myself. i blog so that i have an online place to keep my images, cause i like backups of my backups haha. so that was a little off topic, but anyways, back to social media. i was thinking something a little similar the other day. but i feel like i use social media as a distraction i feel like. i was thinking the other day how i feel like because i'm not popular that i'm missing something, that it factor. i guess my point is you're not the only one. i'm not sure if i can really help, but what i do do is i just set my phone aside. i normally just leave it on the ground for hours and don't look at it. i thinks it has helped me to become less attached. hope things get better. love ya.

  3. It's such a bitter
    Sweet thing to have social media.
    Companies find you through those sorces. We all like to say we blog for fun but we all hope do get something out if it. Like the above comment said the important thing is to reach out to others. Comment on others instagrams, follow them like their photos. Interact with a bunch of people. Not only do some return the favor, but others find you through your comment. So think of commenting and liking and retweeting others content as a way to market yourself. Giveaways are also awesome to run and involve other bloggers. Group giveaways are amazing for numbers. Sometimes you still hit those walls.


  4. I know 100% what you mean! I use iconosquare, too... and I've seen people unfollow me who I *thought* were my real life friends that I met from blogs (even people that you know!)... it is kind of sad!

    I used to be so very obsessed with numbers, too! I know some people who started blogging way after I did, and their followers are way higher than mine. My comment count has been very very low for the past 3-4 months. But then I started focusing more on putting together outfits I love and finding my style through my blog. And now I don't care because I am having FUN! It's important to do it for your enjoyment, and not compare yourself to others, especially the numbers.

  5. I'm pretty sure most bloggers struggle with this. I have to constantly remind myself this is a hobby, it's fun, it's not that big a deal. But I take things personally, and hell, hate mail would be better than silence sometimes, because at least with hate mail (or hate comments) I know someone's reading. I hate that you can't hide the numbers -- it's harder to notice when I'm on my phone, but checking twitter on the computer means having that follower number glaring at you. Checking FB sucks because the "Likes" number is right there, and I wish there was a way to hide the number of friends who like it, because it makes me sad that even my friends aren't supporting my crazy little blog...

    I don't have any advice aside from biblical, Christian advice, and I don't know if you want that... ;) I don't think there's any silver bullet for it, though, other than to just keep trying to keep focus on straight and forgive yourself when you trip up and get obsessed :/

  6. Your blog post was my thoughts exactly on social media. It's hard because I think everyone wants to be creative and show off their style, photos, etc. and it sucks when no one seems to reciprocate it or appreciate it. I have tried to not focus as much on my numbers lately either and its hard because numbers don't necessary mean you have a good blog. Even though to the rest of the non-blogging world that may not seem true. I have lots of Instagram followers but can't get very many likes on photos, and it bugs me! Don't follow me if you don't care! I love being creative and feel like blogging isn't something I can give up on just yet. It's important to do what's best for you and what makes you happy so if the lack of followers & comments is bringing you down and making you feel bad about yourself and your blog, take a step back and refocus on your blog priorities! Sometimes a little break isn't always a bad thing :) Love your blog and I'm always swooning over your Instagram feed. Keep up your good work girl!!!


  7. This makes so much sense to me. For years I have been blogging and my numbers have really lacked and it's been hard to grow my blog. I know where my shortcomings are as far as my blog goes but I haven't been able to fix them yet so I'll just sit and be mediocre blah!
    Method Clothe

  8. I don't really know how to offer advice because I am the same in many ways. I don't have very many followers on any form of social media but I can tell you that I feel hurt every time that I see my numbers drop. My blog dropped two followers the other day and my heart just sunk. I think it just comes from wanting people to like me and care what I'm saying and it just doesn't work out. Numbers are a bummer.

  9. I feel you, boo. In a way I'm really grateful that I don't have an iphone because I know I would be posting/looking on instagram like a crazy person. I still look at it everyday even though I don't have a smartphone and I get pretty sad about how lame my life is (even though it isn't and it's awesome). Comparing is the deadliest trap and I fall into it so so so often. It's hard. But I think you're great. And I love your blog. And your instagram photos. And I just think you're a beautiful person inside and out.